I’m still here! Day 497

Wow. A lot has happened since I last wrote in December. Here’s the sparknotes version: I went into maintenance mode 50 pounds too soon. Also I got married!

Until last Friday (3/31) I had not lost an ounce since December 17 of last year. Disappointing. It’s not a secret why things weren’t going in the right direction. Not exercising regularly and eating carbs/food that is less nutritious than I need is a good formula for not losing weight. 

While I sat in that rut add on the stress of fitting into and then staying the same for my wedding gown. My first fitting turned into, F@$& I didn’t lose enough to fit into this smaller size I knew I would be ready for. Luckily I caught a miracle and my exact dress one size up was in the store and I traded for a fee. But that was a little too big and the weight of the dress meant I would be tugging it up every second it was on me. So my “final” fitting became my third-to-last fitting. Sure, let’s do the bustle. Well, it just has to come in now. Shoot, still too big and now the arm area needs to be reshaped if it’s coming in that much. We have to add clips onto your foundation to keep the dress from sliding down. I didn’t lose any weight, what is going on?? How is this dress so big when one size smaller wouldn’t zip?

But you know what? It was fine. It still slipped down all day but I didn’t care. Here are a few pics. It was a fairytale day at our gorgeous castle venue and we’re so happy! Can’t wait to get all the pictures. 

I keep telling Hubby that we are going to do the opposite of what happens to so many couples. Get married, get comfortable, get lazy. Nope, not in alignment with our goals. We are focused and working hard to lose again. I started kickboxing last weekend and it was super fun. I actually hung in much better than I expected. I did 10 barre classes in Jan/Feb and combined with getting more serious about horseback riding those activities have really improved my leg and core strength. I was still sweating, but I never fully skipped any of the intervals or exercises. Bonus: amazing for stress relief/anger management haha!

We hiked on Sunday. Just a couple miles with the dogs, but you gotta keep moving right? This morning I did 2.25mi in 30/30s (run/walk x 20 sets + warm up, cool down, and stretches). It felt great, the weather was perfect. I’m prepping for a wine 5k on June 10th. Would really like to finish in 40 min or less, following the Galloway method again. 

• Tomorrow: 2 hours of riding
• Wednesday: Kickboxing
• Thursday: Jumping lesson
• Friday: Run 2.5mi in intervals
• Weekend: Hike 5+mi

We have purged junk from the house and are getting HomeChef delivered 3x a week. It is amazing not to have to plan every meal and just have things show up pre-portioned and planned. Low carb, low calorie option is perfect. Each meal is less than 600 calories and they are 2 meals for me. Tonight was chicken with acorn squash and pine nuts. Shameless plug: here’s $30 off your first order if you want to try it! https://www.homechef.com/invite/bBJvvSrLQx48

I know I can kick these last 35-45 pounds and I’ve already proven I can handle maintenance/keep within a 5 pound variance for a sustained period of time. I’m getting my water in, vitamins in, and I’m ready to get back on the wagon. I think back to 2 years ago and all the things I wanted to do but couldn’t do comfortably. Try kickboxing. Get back in the saddle. Do 5k’s for fun.

Today I’ll try almost any workout class and I can keep up pretty well most of the time. (Though taking barre with tiny, toned ballerina women made me feel huge and uncomfortable. I kept going and I got better. And no one ever said a rude word or looked at me like “what’s the fat girl doing here?” That was just in my own head.) I’m training over fences–yeah, I have a great trainer teaching me to jump horses. (I grew up on a horse farm but never jumped.) And I love it. It makes me feel strong and it’s thrilling/challenging at the same time. 

I’ve been traveling for work (I moved to another state and started working remotely last July so I don’t see everyone that often anymore) and I got so many compliments. I snapped this at a hotel to see how other people see me since I usually still see me 95+ pounds ago. Size 14 pants and Large top. Wow. Still surprises me that I’ve even made it this far. But I’m not there yet, so here I come!

Current weight: 192.4 (96.4 from HW)

Goal range: 150-160

Day 395, going strong.

Well, I just had to change the title from day 388 because I started this a week ago, time got away from me. I am, however, still going strong–go me! First some food, then update pics.

I have been very good for the last 3 weeks. I’m sticking to this plan each day 900-1000 cals, 75+g protein, <60g total carbs. Fiancé has also set specific numbers for himself and we work together to weigh food and make good choices. Cheers to wedding prep!

Here’s my attempt at a skinny meatball wrap. I ate about 3/4 of it and it was super yummy!

I didn’t intend for this post to have a meatball theme, but here’s another recipe we really love: Bacon Cheesburger Meatballs. Yep, so good. Totally felt like I was eating a juicy burger. The sauce was not amazing, so I would just do some yellow mustard when we make these again. The grated zucchini in the meatball kept it super moist. https://www.celebratevitamins.com/about-you/recipes/cheeseburger-meatballs.html

Simple taco salad with avocado and roasted tomato salsa. I could eat this most days and it’s a go-to lunch since cooking a pound of lean meat with taco seasoning will last all week. 

Protein, protein, protein I guess. I have also been adding peppermint coffee mate to chocolate and vanilla shakes, which is making me love shakes again. 

Drum roll….I’m losing weight again! 13 months post op and I’m losing weight again. Just follow the rules, right? I wish I had been more disciplined over the last few months, but I am back on it and I feel good. The day I got back on the plan I was 201.1. When I weighed myself last Saturday (12/16) I was 194.4! That’s my lowest weight so far, woohoo. I see so many differences when I look at these update photos. My face looks so different, it is so odd to think that the photo on the right is how people see me today, yet I usually see myself in the mirror as the person on the left. I need to keep going and I need to lose more, but I’m proud of myself for making it this far. It is so hard some days and food still feels like a comfort to me. When I have a crappy day, I want a glass of wine and a piece of cake. Plain and simple. I wish that the smell of greasy food or fast food made me feel queasy like some people day after surgery. For me, I feel like I want those foods more now than I ever did before. What the heck?!

• HW 288.8
• CW 194.4

So on we trudge. We have been away from home since Sunday (it’s now Thursday) and won’t be home until the new year. I brought the food scale and we have been on-plan so far. Scheduled cheat day is Christmas and it’s a splurge on the type of food, not the amount. I will still weigh everything and try super hard to eat slowly and keep food separate from fluid (which is the norm for me). Next we will be with my family and staying on track is definitely going to be harder–many more temptations will be around. 

I’m so close to being down 100 pounds and only 14 pounds from my wedding weight goal of 180. Onward!

Buckling down.

Okay. I’ve finally had enough. Enough junk, enough laziness, enough frustration from not losing. Looking back at the cheetos, cookies, and fast food I have eaten over the past several months I am shocked that I haven’t gained any weight. At least my portion sizes remained small and although I indulged too often, I did eat regular healthy meals and drink protein shakes.

Yesterday was the day. Logged in to the Baritastic app and started tracking my food again. Ended up at 823 cal, 67 g protein, and 55 net carbs. Not terrible. Today was better at 783 cal, 97 g protein, 27 net carbs. I still have room for a snack later if I am hungry. Feels good to take control again. 

I made “skinny” chicken gyro tonight using a Joseph’s lavash pita, pulled rotisserie chicken with lemon juice & salt and pepper, 1 T tzatziki, shredded lettuce, and a sliced cherry tomato. Just 202 calories and super satisfying. Tomorrow’s dinner is lean pork roast and carrots.

We are already planning what to pack while we are visiting our families for 2 weeks over Christmas. I have got to stick with it! Send good vibes to keep us strong and committed–just another day or so and the “carb cycle” will be broken. 😬

Happy anniversary to me!

It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year since my sleeve. I am feeling good and extra thankful. It’s kind of funny that my surgiversary is also a national holiday celebrated by food…

We are at my mom’s and my to-be in laws arrive tomorrow so that is exciting!

Things have been going fine though I haven’t posted for a long time. I wish that I was losing more, but I find it so much more difficult to restrict my diet now than in the beginning. I would be rocking maintenance if I had already reached my goal weight. I’m hanging right around 197. No scale here for an official weigh in, but that’s 91 pounds gone.

I did finally get set up with a new Bariatric provider since moving. Bloodwork in month 11 came back great. Oddly enough my B12 is high. There’s no known level of toxicity with this, but I’ve dropped that supplement to every other day. My hair is slowly starting to come back in and feel more like normal to me.

We’ve started hiking the beautiful trails around us in NC as we continue to settle in. 

Wedding plans are going well too. My dress is here and ordered a size smaller on purpose so I need to focus for the next few months to ensure I feel comfortable in the gown and can go get any alterations done ahead of March. Had my bachelorette party with amazing friends and had no issue dancing on the bar in my glam dress! You can see all the wonderful excess skin on my upper arms from this angle, a small price to pay for restoring my health and happiness. 

I hope you’re all well and though I’ve not been writing, I read all of your posts so I thank you for the inspiration! Happy one year to me and thanks for being on this journey with me that’s about much more than the first year. 

10 Month Update!

I’m leasing a new horse, Ritz, and riding at a different barn a bit closer to home. Loving it and bonus is that it’s a great core workout. 🙂 I’m 1.6 pounds from being in ONEderland. As I sit here hovering, I wonder if I’ll ever get to this major milestone. I had hoped to be under by yesterday, which is the day I went to choose a wedding dress with my mom, sister, and to-be MIL. Even though I didn’t make that goal, I had a really, really positive experience. Obviously no photos, but I can say that the size 16 had to be clipped at the back–as in clipped tighter! I was even able to put on a size 10! No, it didn’t zip all the way, but it went around my body and wasn’t stuck or anything, something I would have never dreamed of this time last year. I ordered a size 14 gown (which can be altered down to a size 10 if necessary), size 34D bra/corset (down from a 42D), and a SMALL slip. I told the consultant when she recommended the small that I have never, ever ordered anything in a size small. I’m just floored with those sizes and feel like I want to push myself to lose more and tone up as much as I can in the less than 6 months I have left before the wedding. It just feels like good motivation. I would love to hit a total loss of 100 pounds, putting me at 188.8 by March 18, which I believe is feasible. I’m shooting toward that!

My October Wine Run 5K was canceled (ugh), so I’m searching for another race to keep myself focused on running. I didn’t take measurements yet this month either, sorry. My FitBit band is down to the smallest closure though! It feels surreal to be closing in on one year post-op. I need to find a new physician to work with here in my new location and get one year blood work done to make sure everything is going well. Physically, I feel good, no major issues, but my period has been haywire again. As in 3 bouts in the last 5 weeks, UGH! Annoying, but not the end of the world. Anyway, here are my stats and some progress pics. Isn’t is funny how they make “normal-sized” clothes in bright colors and great patterns? Sports bra and pants are 2 sizes smaller in these photos (XXL –> L). A lot of people have commented on my face looking thinner recently and I can see it in these photos for sure. I actually feel like I look younger. Maybe?

Heaviest weight: 288.8
November 23, 2015: 276.2 (end of pre-op liquid diet/day of surgery)
December 2015: 256.8 (-19.4 in month 1)
January 2016: 248.9 (-16.7 in month 2)
February 2016: 240.1 (-8.8 in month 3)
March 2016: 232.1 (-8 in month 4)
April 2016: 226.0 (-8.1 in month 5)
May 2016: 218.5 (-7.5 in month 6)
June 2016: 210.5 (-8 in month 7)
July 2016: 207.5 (-3 in month 8)
August 2016: 208.9 (+1.4 in month 9, had been 203.9 and gained 5)
September 2016: 201.5 (-6 in month 10, subtracted from weight in month 8)
Total lost: 87.3 pounds

Month 8 update!

Just a brief post, but I couldn’t skip my monthly progress check in. Life is busy since we just moved from DC to Raleigh. Things are going well and the fridge is finally stocked again with high protein, mostly clean food. I’ve been keeping up with my butt and ab challenge from my last post (today is day #21), but not a whole lot of other exercise happening at the moment. Honestly, I’m just glad that I did not gain anything over the past month. The loss of my aunt has been very difficult and still is. It’s amazing to me how quickly and easily my brain still tells me that certainly pizza or macaroni & cheese will make everything better. Overall my appetite has been pretty low and I’ve not been meeting my protein goal consistently. I think that is making my hair continue to fall out. So I’m doing my best to get back on track.

Major NSV this month: Not only did I cross my 80 pound loss, but my daily high blood pressure prescription has been reduced to 50% of my previous dosage! That’s what I did this for–my health. It is working. I am using the tools I gained from surgery to meet my goals. My weight loss is slow at this point, but it’s still slugging along and I’ll take it. My wedding in March is a great motivator to keep recommitting to better food choices and more exercise every single time I stray. I have a long way to go to reach my personal goal of 160. (My surgeon’s office does not set one because they don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t achieve success.) My next big milestones are ONEderland in 7.6 pounds (holy cow, I’m so close!!!) and my 100 pound loss in 18.8 pounds.

I’ve been reading about many of your stories and journeys as well and your struggles and successes always resonate with me–sorry I’ve been silent, but I’m listening and sending positive vibes to each of you!

Heaviest weight: 288.8
November 23, 2015: 276.2 (end of pre-op liquid diet/day of surgery)
December 2015: 256.8 (-19.4 in month 1)
January 2016: 248.9 (-16.7 in month 2)
February 2016: 240.1 (-8.8 in month 3)
March 2016: 232.1 (-8 in month 4)
April 2016: 226.0 (-8.1 in month 5)
May 2016: 218.5 (-7.5 in month 6)
June 2016: 210.5 (-8 in month 7)
July 2016: 207.5 (-3 in month 8)
Total lost: 81.3 pounds

All of the sweat.

This is what I looked like last night returning from a short run (about a mile and a third) at 9p. Yeah, 9 PM. It was 92 degrees and 85% humidity. Sweat. All the sweat. But you know what, I ran my fastest average pace since I started running again to get home more quickly! Haha

I’ve been really trying to focus on exercise the last couple of weeks. I am doing these 2 challenges (it’s actually round 2 for me with the butt challenge because it actually worked–well, says my fiance and a friend who asked where my butt disappeared to lol) with 3 friends. We have an accountability text group and we let each other know every day that we completed the exercises specified. We’re only on day 2 today, so feel free to join us if you feel compelled!!

I caught the comparison bug again and I’m really trying to stay ahead of it. The scale demon is bothering me by remaining perfectly still. I’m thankful that it’s not gone up and I’m still doing my best everyday, but things have been tough. My beloved aunt passed away 13 days ago after a long battle with cancer. She was an amazing woman and she departed peacefully and without pain. I was on work travel when I found out and I was devastated. When I returned home and actually felt like leaving my sadness cocoon (my bed), I wanted chocolate and cake and french fries and pizza. I had some of it. More of it than I should.

In the midst of this incredible loss, we are also trying to organize our lives to move to Raleigh next Friday. Seventy-five percent of my kitchen has been packed for more than a week. I’m barely cooking and we’re not buying groceries at this point. So I’m not surprised to be hovering, but I’m obviously not satisfied with that and I don’t want to allow myself to make bad choices because life is hard sometimes. That will never change, but I have! I can do better.

On a more positive note, I forget what I was randomly googling the other day, but THIS:

Thank you. I wish this was in front of every damn scale on Earth. I need to print it out and put it in the bathroom in our new place. Please remember this and take it to heart because it is true.

In happy health news, I believe that my hypertension is starting to resolve! YAY! I’m consistently 105-115/50-70, which is on the low side of normal. I have started getting a bit dizzy if I get up too quickly from sitting or laying for a while, so I’m waiting to hear from my PCP about whether it might be good time to reduce my dosage or perhaps create a plan for coming off all together. It’s an amazing reminder that surgery has impacted my life in a way that is more permanent than yo-yoing weight loss has ever been to me. Keep on keepin’ on and if you have extra to share, send some light out into the universe in memory of my auntie. ❤

Month 7 Update!

Hello fellow bariatric surgery champs and readers! I’m squeezing this post in before I dash off on work travel for the next week. Don’t worry–protein shakes are already packed. 🙂

I’m thrilled to report that I continued to lose steadily this month. Even though I often *feel* plateaued and like I’m going nowhere, actually looking at my monthly losses reminds me that I’m doing what I should be. I’ve been trying to amp up my exercise again to help keep it coming off. My pictures this month are the first time that I’m wearing new clothes that are in a size that fits my body snuggly (as opposed to my old, too stretchy gear).

Heaviest weight: 288.8
November 23, 2015: 276.2 (end of pre-op liquid diet/day of surgery)
December 2015: 256.8 (-19.4 in month 1)
January 2016: 248.9 (-16.7 in month 2)
February 2016: 240.1 (-8.8 in month 3)
March 2016: 232.1 (-8 in month 4)
April 2016: 226.0 (-8.1 in month 5)
May 2016: 218.5 (-7.5 in month 6)
June 2016: 210.5 (-8 in month 7)
Total lost: 78.3 pounds and 40.0 inches 

Went for a good run on Sunday. I am using a waist belt instead of an arm band to hold my phone and use RunKeeper while on my runs so I can’t see it while I’m running. I have it set up so that I tells me my progress every 5 minutes, but I just made up a route and kept running. Didn’t know until I got back and stopped the tracker that I had gone over 2 miles! It’s surreal that that distance feels “normal” to me already. I noticed the other day that I don’t get out of breath going up a set of stairs, even though it’s 85+ degrees outside right now! My fitness level feels like it’s really progressing well.

What’s getting tougher is remaining strict about my diet. I am on the side of the fence where you can indulge on occasion as long as it is mindful and in moderation. But it is true that once you have some, something in your brain (or at least mine) makes me feel like I should have more or eat all of it, even if I feel full. It’s a balancing act and I do try to focus on protein and whole foods for the most part. I faithfully take my vitamins, though I recently changed my schedule because my multivitamin made me sick just about every morning since I was taking it before I had a chance to eat. So now I take my calcium citrate at 8a and 2p, then take my multivitamin around 8p. Since your body can only absorb so much of this at a time, that’s why these ones need to be spaced out. I take all the rest in the morning (B12, B50, high blood pressure med, and nexium every other day).

Here’s to doing my best for another month in the midst of work travel and moving to a new state! I know what I need to do and I will stay disciplined so that I can hopefully resign from the 200 club by my birthday in mid-August. Plus my 80 pound reward is a massage–aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. Have a great week, drink an extra glass of water, and do an extra set of squats during commercials if you’re watching tv!

Work work work work.

After getting a little lax about working out, I am back on track and kicking butt–my own to be exact! Friday and Saturday I had back-to-back 15,000+ step days that included hiking, my crazy dance class, walking around the baseball stadium in sweaty heat, and running a 5K. Like, I’m serious again. It felt great. I was certainly exhausted on Sunday, but I logged almost 11,000 steps today. Finally, I rolled over the 75 pound loss mark! I haven’t been on for a while, so here’s a quick update on life happenings.

In my department there are many seasonal employees. They’re full-time and have worked at the organization for many years, but only work 6-8 months out of the year. Many of them returned in the last 2 weeks and 4 different people have walked past my desk and turned around to tell me that they didn’t recognize me. They’ve all complimented me and encouraging me to keep up whatever I’m doing. It felt really nice to know that the changes are really noticeable.

Our move from DC to Raleigh is rapidly approaching, just one month to go! So one of our bucket list items was to get to the Delaware Beaches. They’re my favorite and fiance had never been. We had a wonderful, relaxing weekend. Although we skipped running, we did walk on the beach and I was on a 30 day butt lift challenge (still going strong) and he did 200+ push ups each day. Fitness on the go. I also packed protein shakes and drank them on the beach. Certainly indulged in a few things, but didn’t go overboard. I feel pretty good. Also got a new swimsuit! On a sunset walk, I even wore a SKIRT with HORIZONTAL STRIPES on purpose IN PUBLIC. As an obese person, I never thought those phrases would ever be put together by me.

I’ve really been cooking up a storm lately. Seeking variety and flavor, but still trying to meet my macros and eat as clean and lean as possible. I feel like I’m enjoying food again, but in a much healthier way. I love feeling inspired to cook again. I am fortunate to not have any real issues with any foods. The only exception is eggs. And that’s odd because I never had a problem with them before or even right after surgery in the mushy phase. But we are NOT friends anymore. Below is balsamic chicken with tomatoes on top of shredded brussel sprouts tossed with honey, bacon, golden raisins, and shallots. Super yummy–totally ripped off the brussels from a restaurant at the beach and they tasted almost exactly the same!

Tonight we made pork chops with a guava sweet chili sauce over the Bird’s Eye Hawaiian protein blend with pineapple and edamame. You might not be able to tell, but my portion in the back is about a quarter of the “regular” one in the front.

Here I am all dressed up pre-race. It was a nighttime glow run set to EDM–including selfie stations and spots to stop and dance. So fun! A totally great way to get back in to running. It was untimed, but I did intervals and wasn’t exhausted when I finished in about 38 minutes. I credit that to the adrenaline of a big, fun event like this for running faster than most of my training. I ran for my aunt who continues to battle cancer. It feels so good to be back out there. I’m hoping to find another fun race in Raleigh to keep myself motivated to continue training. I also want to push myself and perhaps sign up for a 5 miler later this year. Building distance and speed really gradually has worked great for me so far. No issues with my heel spurs or back, which is just amazing. Definitely need to add in some more core work to help with my posture and strength. One thing at a time and just a little at a time 🙂

Someone shared this on Facebook a week or so ago and I remember just sitting there shaking my head. The mental challenges and behavioral “retraining” that this journey requires is not easy. And I would argue that it’s nearly impossible if you do not learn to treat yourself with compassion and recognize the new version of you that comes out when all that extra weight begins to melt off. The parts of you that you hid under baggy, shapeless clothes or in the funny fat person persona for your social circle or in the fast food bag you stuffed in the back of car after you felt ashamed for eating it. I feel like I’ve made so much progress in the last month with balancing control, discipline, rewards, and compassion. It feels good. It feels free. I am regaining confidence. The next time you get frustrated with the scale for not moving or you begin to feel ashamed/disappointed in yourself for making a less healthy choice, take a deep breath and refocus your energy on what you’re going to do next. You can do it!

Six months later.

Holy cow! Exactly half a year has passed since my surgery day! How things have changed in that time. I’m pumped about my continued progress, so I’ll give you my stats first, but read on for more stuff I’ve been up to–like dangling from the ceiling by a hammock in aerial yoga!!

Heaviest weight: 288.8
November 23, 2015: 276.2 (end of pre-op liquid diet/day of surgery)
December 2015: 256.8
January 2016: 248.9
February 2016: 240.1
March 2016: 232.1
April 2016: 226.0
May 2016: 218.5
Total lost: 70.3 pounds

Victory! 70 pounds in 6 months is awesome. Super proud of myself. Even though the weight is coming off slower, it’s still coming off nice and steady. I’ll take it. Had my check in with my surgeon and nutritionist this afternoon and they are both very happy with my progress too. My blood work looked great. Vitamin levels are perfect. My cholesterol has dropped almost 50 points since surgery, so I’m at a normal 178. Woohoo!

Two things that I’m dealing with, but trying not to let them bring me down: hair continues to fall out and what I feel like is a massive amount of excess skin already. My nutritionist advised me to up my protein to 70g/day to help with the hair loss, but she also said it’s completely normal and it’s happening at the normal time. Months 4-7 are most typical for people to lose their hair after surgery. As you can see below, I’ve got some serious arm flab. Same is true with my tummy and inner thighs. I have to wear long sleeves when I run to keep from getting irritation from the armband holding my phone. My tummy skin chafes on longer runs just from rubbing on my other tummy skin. Not fun. But it’s part of the process of regaining my health and taking control of my body.

Here’s a photo of dinner one night last week. Stir-fry with zoodles (zucchini noodles), soy-garlic chicken, and veggies. Took about 20 minutes and was super yummy. Frozen veggies are my friend.

Another blogger wrote about this a while back–she was always interested in trying aerial, but was terrified of the fabric ripping from the ceiling and dropping to the floor. SAME. I was terrified of that happening even after losing 70 pounds. It will rip or completely tear off the ceiling tile and I’ll smash into the floor. But last Wednesday, two of my best gal pals and I went to try it out. It was so fun! I was able to do most things, but it was tough! It requires so much strength. We hung upside down for like 5 minutes straight–like feet wrapped up in the hammock and all. It gave me a couple bruises and made me feel a little nauseated, but overall it was a great experience and I’m looking forward to taking that basics class again sometime. Next time I’ll get a picture upside down! (I’m on the left in the pic.)