I’m still here! Day 497

Wow. A lot has happened since I last wrote in December. Here’s the sparknotes version: I went into maintenance mode 50 pounds too soon. Also I got married!

Until last Friday (3/31) I had not lost an ounce since December 17 of last year. Disappointing. It’s not a secret why things weren’t going in the right direction. Not exercising regularly and eating carbs/food that is less nutritious than I need is a good formula for not losing weight. 

While I sat in that rut add on the stress of fitting into and then staying the same for my wedding gown. My first fitting turned into, F@$& I didn’t lose enough to fit into this smaller size I knew I would be ready for. Luckily I caught a miracle and my exact dress one size up was in the store and I traded for a fee. But that was a little too big and the weight of the dress meant I would be tugging it up every second it was on me. So my “final” fitting became my third-to-last fitting. Sure, let’s do the bustle. Well, it just has to come in now. Shoot, still too big and now the arm area needs to be reshaped if it’s coming in that much. We have to add clips onto your foundation to keep the dress from sliding down. I didn’t lose any weight, what is going on?? How is this dress so big when one size smaller wouldn’t zip?

But you know what? It was fine. It still slipped down all day but I didn’t care. Here are a few pics. It was a fairytale day at our gorgeous castle venue and we’re so happy! Can’t wait to get all the pictures. 

I keep telling Hubby that we are going to do the opposite of what happens to so many couples. Get married, get comfortable, get lazy. Nope, not in alignment with our goals. We are focused and working hard to lose again. I started kickboxing last weekend and it was super fun. I actually hung in much better than I expected. I did 10 barre classes in Jan/Feb and combined with getting more serious about horseback riding those activities have really improved my leg and core strength. I was still sweating, but I never fully skipped any of the intervals or exercises. Bonus: amazing for stress relief/anger management haha!

We hiked on Sunday. Just a couple miles with the dogs, but you gotta keep moving right? This morning I did 2.25mi in 30/30s (run/walk x 20 sets + warm up, cool down, and stretches). It felt great, the weather was perfect. I’m prepping for a wine 5k on June 10th. Would really like to finish in 40 min or less, following the Galloway method again. 

• Tomorrow: 2 hours of riding
• Wednesday: Kickboxing
• Thursday: Jumping lesson
• Friday: Run 2.5mi in intervals
• Weekend: Hike 5+mi

We have purged junk from the house and are getting HomeChef delivered 3x a week. It is amazing not to have to plan every meal and just have things show up pre-portioned and planned. Low carb, low calorie option is perfect. Each meal is less than 600 calories and they are 2 meals for me. Tonight was chicken with acorn squash and pine nuts. Shameless plug: here’s $30 off your first order if you want to try it! https://www.homechef.com/invite/bBJvvSrLQx48

I know I can kick these last 35-45 pounds and I’ve already proven I can handle maintenance/keep within a 5 pound variance for a sustained period of time. I’m getting my water in, vitamins in, and I’m ready to get back on the wagon. I think back to 2 years ago and all the things I wanted to do but couldn’t do comfortably. Try kickboxing. Get back in the saddle. Do 5k’s for fun.

Today I’ll try almost any workout class and I can keep up pretty well most of the time. (Though taking barre with tiny, toned ballerina women made me feel huge and uncomfortable. I kept going and I got better. And no one ever said a rude word or looked at me like “what’s the fat girl doing here?” That was just in my own head.) I’m training over fences–yeah, I have a great trainer teaching me to jump horses. (I grew up on a horse farm but never jumped.) And I love it. It makes me feel strong and it’s thrilling/challenging at the same time. 

I’ve been traveling for work (I moved to another state and started working remotely last July so I don’t see everyone that often anymore) and I got so many compliments. I snapped this at a hotel to see how other people see me since I usually still see me 95+ pounds ago. Size 14 pants and Large top. Wow. Still surprises me that I’ve even made it this far. But I’m not there yet, so here I come!

Current weight: 192.4 (96.4 from HW)

Goal range: 150-160

Day 395, going strong.

Well, I just had to change the title from day 388 because I started this a week ago, time got away from me. I am, however, still going strong–go me! First some food, then update pics.

I have been very good for the last 3 weeks. I’m sticking to this plan each day 900-1000 cals, 75+g protein, <60g total carbs. Fiancé has also set specific numbers for himself and we work together to weigh food and make good choices. Cheers to wedding prep!

Here’s my attempt at a skinny meatball wrap. I ate about 3/4 of it and it was super yummy!

I didn’t intend for this post to have a meatball theme, but here’s another recipe we really love: Bacon Cheesburger Meatballs. Yep, so good. Totally felt like I was eating a juicy burger. The sauce was not amazing, so I would just do some yellow mustard when we make these again. The grated zucchini in the meatball kept it super moist. https://www.celebratevitamins.com/about-you/recipes/cheeseburger-meatballs.html

Simple taco salad with avocado and roasted tomato salsa. I could eat this most days and it’s a go-to lunch since cooking a pound of lean meat with taco seasoning will last all week. 

Protein, protein, protein I guess. I have also been adding peppermint coffee mate to chocolate and vanilla shakes, which is making me love shakes again. 

Drum roll….I’m losing weight again! 13 months post op and I’m losing weight again. Just follow the rules, right? I wish I had been more disciplined over the last few months, but I am back on it and I feel good. The day I got back on the plan I was 201.1. When I weighed myself last Saturday (12/16) I was 194.4! That’s my lowest weight so far, woohoo. I see so many differences when I look at these update photos. My face looks so different, it is so odd to think that the photo on the right is how people see me today, yet I usually see myself in the mirror as the person on the left. I need to keep going and I need to lose more, but I’m proud of myself for making it this far. It is so hard some days and food still feels like a comfort to me. When I have a crappy day, I want a glass of wine and a piece of cake. Plain and simple. I wish that the smell of greasy food or fast food made me feel queasy like some people day after surgery. For me, I feel like I want those foods more now than I ever did before. What the heck?!

• HW 288.8
• CW 194.4

So on we trudge. We have been away from home since Sunday (it’s now Thursday) and won’t be home until the new year. I brought the food scale and we have been on-plan so far. Scheduled cheat day is Christmas and it’s a splurge on the type of food, not the amount. I will still weigh everything and try super hard to eat slowly and keep food separate from fluid (which is the norm for me). Next we will be with my family and staying on track is definitely going to be harder–many more temptations will be around. 

I’m so close to being down 100 pounds and only 14 pounds from my wedding weight goal of 180. Onward!

Buckling down.

Okay. I’ve finally had enough. Enough junk, enough laziness, enough frustration from not losing. Looking back at the cheetos, cookies, and fast food I have eaten over the past several months I am shocked that I haven’t gained any weight. At least my portion sizes remained small and although I indulged too often, I did eat regular healthy meals and drink protein shakes.

Yesterday was the day. Logged in to the Baritastic app and started tracking my food again. Ended up at 823 cal, 67 g protein, and 55 net carbs. Not terrible. Today was better at 783 cal, 97 g protein, 27 net carbs. I still have room for a snack later if I am hungry. Feels good to take control again. 

I made “skinny” chicken gyro tonight using a Joseph’s lavash pita, pulled rotisserie chicken with lemon juice & salt and pepper, 1 T tzatziki, shredded lettuce, and a sliced cherry tomato. Just 202 calories and super satisfying. Tomorrow’s dinner is lean pork roast and carrots.

We are already planning what to pack while we are visiting our families for 2 weeks over Christmas. I have got to stick with it! Send good vibes to keep us strong and committed–just another day or so and the “carb cycle” will be broken. 😬

Happy anniversary to me!

It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year since my sleeve. I am feeling good and extra thankful. It’s kind of funny that my surgiversary is also a national holiday celebrated by food…

We are at my mom’s and my to-be in laws arrive tomorrow so that is exciting!

Things have been going fine though I haven’t posted for a long time. I wish that I was losing more, but I find it so much more difficult to restrict my diet now than in the beginning. I would be rocking maintenance if I had already reached my goal weight. I’m hanging right around 197. No scale here for an official weigh in, but that’s 91 pounds gone.

I did finally get set up with a new Bariatric provider since moving. Bloodwork in month 11 came back great. Oddly enough my B12 is high. There’s no known level of toxicity with this, but I’ve dropped that supplement to every other day. My hair is slowly starting to come back in and feel more like normal to me.

We’ve started hiking the beautiful trails around us in NC as we continue to settle in. 

Wedding plans are going well too. My dress is here and ordered a size smaller on purpose so I need to focus for the next few months to ensure I feel comfortable in the gown and can go get any alterations done ahead of March. Had my bachelorette party with amazing friends and had no issue dancing on the bar in my glam dress! You can see all the wonderful excess skin on my upper arms from this angle, a small price to pay for restoring my health and happiness. 

I hope you’re all well and though I’ve not been writing, I read all of your posts so I thank you for the inspiration! Happy one year to me and thanks for being on this journey with me that’s about much more than the first year. 

ONEderland has come.

199.7 

Just barely, but that’s a solid 1 at the beginning of my scale this morning. I don’t think I have seen that for more than 10 years–a bit more than 1/3 of my life. Definitely have more work to do, but I am so happy to be going in the right direction after a couple of frustrating months!
Hair unbrushed and makeup nonexistent, here’s how most of my clothes fit these days. But I’m happy anyway 😁

Thank you blogland for always lending a listening ear and sharing your stories to support me on this journey. I hope you are all chipping away at your goals as well!

10 Month Update!

I’m leasing a new horse, Ritz, and riding at a different barn a bit closer to home. Loving it and bonus is that it’s a great core workout. 🙂 I’m 1.6 pounds from being in ONEderland. As I sit here hovering, I wonder if I’ll ever get to this major milestone. I had hoped to be under by yesterday, which is the day I went to choose a wedding dress with my mom, sister, and to-be MIL. Even though I didn’t make that goal, I had a really, really positive experience. Obviously no photos, but I can say that the size 16 had to be clipped at the back–as in clipped tighter! I was even able to put on a size 10! No, it didn’t zip all the way, but it went around my body and wasn’t stuck or anything, something I would have never dreamed of this time last year. I ordered a size 14 gown (which can be altered down to a size 10 if necessary), size 34D bra/corset (down from a 42D), and a SMALL slip. I told the consultant when she recommended the small that I have never, ever ordered anything in a size small. I’m just floored with those sizes and feel like I want to push myself to lose more and tone up as much as I can in the less than 6 months I have left before the wedding. It just feels like good motivation. I would love to hit a total loss of 100 pounds, putting me at 188.8 by March 18, which I believe is feasible. I’m shooting toward that!

My October Wine Run 5K was canceled (ugh), so I’m searching for another race to keep myself focused on running. I didn’t take measurements yet this month either, sorry. My FitBit band is down to the smallest closure though! It feels surreal to be closing in on one year post-op. I need to find a new physician to work with here in my new location and get one year blood work done to make sure everything is going well. Physically, I feel good, no major issues, but my period has been haywire again. As in 3 bouts in the last 5 weeks, UGH! Annoying, but not the end of the world. Anyway, here are my stats and some progress pics. Isn’t is funny how they make “normal-sized” clothes in bright colors and great patterns? Sports bra and pants are 2 sizes smaller in these photos (XXL –> L). A lot of people have commented on my face looking thinner recently and I can see it in these photos for sure. I actually feel like I look younger. Maybe?

Heaviest weight: 288.8
November 23, 2015: 276.2 (end of pre-op liquid diet/day of surgery)
December 2015: 256.8 (-19.4 in month 1)
January 2016: 248.9 (-16.7 in month 2)
February 2016: 240.1 (-8.8 in month 3)
March 2016: 232.1 (-8 in month 4)
April 2016: 226.0 (-8.1 in month 5)
May 2016: 218.5 (-7.5 in month 6)
June 2016: 210.5 (-8 in month 7)
July 2016: 207.5 (-3 in month 8)
August 2016: 208.9 (+1.4 in month 9, had been 203.9 and gained 5)
September 2016: 201.5 (-6 in month 10, subtracted from weight in month 8)
Total lost: 87.3 pounds

Return to loss.

Finally. Finally I have undone the 5 pound gain. I have returned to my lowest post-surgery weight, 203.9. I ate well today even though we were on the road part of the day and had dinner out. We’re at the beach for a relaxing weekend with my mom, her husband, and our poochies.

I’ve been much better about working out. Tomorrow is the last day of a 5 week workout challenge I’ve been doing with my girlfriends. I’ve also been running 2-3 miles 2 or 3 times a week to get ready for the 5k in mid-October.

Thanks for all the positive vibes and support after my last post admitting the 5 pound gain. It was hard. The feeling of failure made me want to eat more cookies and Chik-fil-A, but I’m slowly getting back to basics. Focus on protein. Drink water. Drink more water. Think about whether I’m actually hungry. Drink more water. Get off your butt and do something active. Don’t eat more because “it tastes good.” These are the things I have on constant replay at the moment. 

See you at my 10 month update in about a week and a half. I promise photos, measurements, and weight regardless of my status, but here’s to staying focused and driving those numbers down and feeling proud of my progress. 💪🏻

Here we are walking the beach after dinner tonight 🙂 

The struggle is real.

Well, there’s good news and bad news. Bad news first. Today is my 9 month surgiversary and I’m sad/disappointed/a little embarrassed to report that overall I did not lose this month. In fact, I gained 5 pounds. I didn’t even want to make this post, but my fiance encouraged me to share it because there is probably someone else out there in the same position. While I take comfort in that, I also hope for their sake it passes quickly because the feelings of failure and frustration and disappointment suck you in like quicksand.

I know I haven’t ruined everything, but I still feel crappy about myself and my behavior as of late. I know I can regain control and be more disciplined and make planning a priority, but how will I ever maintain a healthy lifestyle if I can only make it 8 and half months before faltering. Okay, I might be laying it on a little thick here, but they are my actual thoughts of self-doubt.

Enough of that. In every way possible. I am back on the wagon as of today. Now on to the good news: I have NSVs to report.

For my birthday last week I decided to lease a horse and get back to riding something that my weight had a very serious and limiting impact on. Yes, I literally got a pony for my birthday like all girls dream–but I grew up on a horse farm so the novelty wore off a long time ago! CiCi is a Tennessee Walking Horse with plenty of spunk to keep me on my toes. The happy I feel being at the barn is an amazing mood booster. I have the ability to just go and ride “my” horse 3 times a week. Later this week I’m meeting up with a new friend I met there to go on a trail ride.

It’s been really hot and humid in Raleigh. I only own 1 pair of shorts since I have never been interested in putting my pasty, jiggly legs on display. I caved and went to buy shorts. Size 16! Win!

We’ve been here a little more than a month so we’re deep in the time-wasting, ultra-annoying state-specific paperwork phase of moving. First thing to change over: driver’s license. The photos are 5 and a half years apart. Differences are so noticeable to me in photos. Much less so in the mirror everyday.

I am not reporting measurements and stats today, but I will post them at my 9.5 month surgiversary. Keep on trucking everyone and thank you in advance for your positive vibes! 😊

Cookin’ up a storm.

I started this post 11 days ago…whoops! We’re settling in to our new digs and I’ve been keeping the kitchen stocked with fresh, clean food for the most part. I’m still not losing quickly, but I am less than 3 pounds from the fabled ONEderland. Slow and steady. Here are some of my creations. Btw some of the pictures do not show an accurate portion size–just me pretending to be a fancy chef while plating fiance’s meal. Sorry for probably making you hungry.

I love my cute little cooking spot.

Raspberry peach yogurt smoothie, perfect for cooling off in this steamy southern weather. 14g of protein. 

I really like Joseph’s lavash bread when I’m wanting a sandwich or wrap-type meal. Made a chilled salad with tomatoes, avocado, and black beans tossed in olive oil, lime juice, chili powder, and a touch of salt.

And these were my leftovers. Proud of myself for always listening to my pouch. Feels alllllllmost full = done-zo.

My version of a panini–sliced turkey, smashed avocado, and cheddar.

Apple & raisin stuffed chicken breast over mashed sweet potatoes. Just yum!

Zucchini pizza bites. Super satisfying lunch.

An awesome recipe from the Skinnytaste cookbook: Grilled Colombian Carne Asada with Aji Picante and a homemade arepa (cornmeal pancake). So flavorful from the  marinade and rub.

My 9 month post-op is next week so I will post pics and stats. See you then!

Month 8 update!

Just a brief post, but I couldn’t skip my monthly progress check in. Life is busy since we just moved from DC to Raleigh. Things are going well and the fridge is finally stocked again with high protein, mostly clean food. I’ve been keeping up with my butt and ab challenge from my last post (today is day #21), but not a whole lot of other exercise happening at the moment. Honestly, I’m just glad that I did not gain anything over the past month. The loss of my aunt has been very difficult and still is. It’s amazing to me how quickly and easily my brain still tells me that certainly pizza or macaroni & cheese will make everything better. Overall my appetite has been pretty low and I’ve not been meeting my protein goal consistently. I think that is making my hair continue to fall out. So I’m doing my best to get back on track.

Major NSV this month: Not only did I cross my 80 pound loss, but my daily high blood pressure prescription has been reduced to 50% of my previous dosage! That’s what I did this for–my health. It is working. I am using the tools I gained from surgery to meet my goals. My weight loss is slow at this point, but it’s still slugging along and I’ll take it. My wedding in March is a great motivator to keep recommitting to better food choices and more exercise every single time I stray. I have a long way to go to reach my personal goal of 160. (My surgeon’s office does not set one because they don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t achieve success.) My next big milestones are ONEderland in 7.6 pounds (holy cow, I’m so close!!!) and my 100 pound loss in 18.8 pounds.

I’ve been reading about many of your stories and journeys as well and your struggles and successes always resonate with me–sorry I’ve been silent, but I’m listening and sending positive vibes to each of you!

Heaviest weight: 288.8
November 23, 2015: 276.2 (end of pre-op liquid diet/day of surgery)
December 2015: 256.8 (-19.4 in month 1)
January 2016: 248.9 (-16.7 in month 2)
February 2016: 240.1 (-8.8 in month 3)
March 2016: 232.1 (-8 in month 4)
April 2016: 226.0 (-8.1 in month 5)
May 2016: 218.5 (-7.5 in month 6)
June 2016: 210.5 (-8 in month 7)
July 2016: 207.5 (-3 in month 8)
Total lost: 81.3 pounds